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It's All About Perspective

It's been quiet around here. My emotion related to family has subsided. Letting my husband handle it backfired on me, though. He scheduled the family meeting and then my paranoid step-father called him and demanded to know what it was all about. My husband had intentionally not said why he wanted the family meeting and my step-father thought it was something else and also began to spout off about doing "God's work". He is threatened by my husband and our beliefs. My husband gave in and told my step-father the real reason for the meeting and my step-father calmed down because it was not about him or what he thought. My step-father promised not to let the cat out of the bag. Not even an hour later my husband received a text that everyone in the house knew why the meeting was called and all hell was breaking loose. Turns out my step-father couldn't keep his mouth shut and blabbed. I don't know how it all happened exactly but I'm guessing he was just too angry at my sister and BIL and so had to say something.

The meeting was still on up until about two hours before the set time. My mom called and said they had handled it on their own and everyone was happy. Part of me is glad that I didn't have to go be in that negative environment but another is sad because I know that my sister and BIL made promises they wouldn't keep and this would all cycle around again and again as it already had. My mom and step-father had known about my BIL smoking pot but not my sister and this really hurt my mom (which I knew it would). My mom had broken down into tears on the phone with my husband because she is at her wits end. My step-father had thought the reason my husband and I were getting involved had to do with land. My mom owns family land and had promised to give 2 acres to my sister and BIL (as well as to my other two siblings). He assumed I would be angry about this but in all honesty I am fine with it. I was given 2 acres by my mom, why shouldn't she do the same for my siblings? I just didn't agree with her giving 2 acres to my sister and BIL, buying it back and then letting them live on it as their own (basically giving them land and money for nothing). Turns out she changed her mind (for the time being) because my sister and BIL have been taking advantage of her for so long.

I am grateful to hear my mom is handling it all on her own and fairly well at that. I was worried the last time I visited because my sister and BIL have camped out just behind her house. They have a tent set up that is surrounded by junk - boxes open to the elements spilling out with odds and ends of no value, light fixtures hanging from the trees and on the ground, and piles and piles of other things. It looks like a homeless camp. My sister and BIL have been working on plans for a house to the point of my sister even building a model of it. My mom told me they think that she and my step-father are going to build a house for them. My mom reassures me this is not the plan.

All of the above is a family pattern, one that already played out between my sister and BIL and my deceased grandmother. My mom played her part in that, too, only now she is in my grandmother's shoes and responding more and more like my grandmother did. The downward spiral is so obvious.

Spiritual Shift

Since my last OBE on the 17th I have been different. Mostly I am more productive, less depressed and more optimistic. Those things which had previously preoccupied me - the anxiety, the worry, the past - no longer seem of any consequence. It's been a huge relief.

Lately I have been feeling a draw to return to work. Rather than it being an urge based in responsibility it is more of a feeling of adventure and exploration. I still want to be home with my youngest until he is school aged but that can be worked out. I explored job opportunities in my area yesterday but nothing really sparked my interest. That's okay because I feel like the right opportunity will present itself if I am patient and keep focusing on what I want.

In considering the recent change in me, I asked my new guide about the recent dreams indicating I was planning to exit this life early. I thought I had made the decision to leave yet here I am considering going back to work and planning for the future. The response was that I had opted to stay. An agreement had been made and he (this new guide) was part of it. My response to him was, "It would have been nice had someone shared this with me." Of course, I knew this was silly being I was the one who made the choice to begin with!

My understanding of the agreement was that this new "guide" and I were in similar boats. Both of us considering leaving this life early yet not quite sure if that was the best decision. Both of us have families, children, that we feel responsible for. I actually asked this guide if he had been considering leaving and why he opted to stay. He told me he stayed for his children. I didn't get his full story but what I felt from his communication was enough for me to recognize why we were assigned to one another. The assignment appears to be one that will last as long as it is needed. How long that will be is unknown.

It is not odd that I would have a "guide" like this, at least not to me, but then my understanding of the role of guides/assistants has changed over the last 14 years. It is clear to me that I am a guide to others in human bodies and that my guides have human lives they are navigating. In fact, I have recalled playing the guide role during OBEs and lucid dreams. This guide is not the first to tell me he is currently living on Earth while also acting as a guide to me. Very seldom do I encounter a guide who is not currently navigating a life somewhere else, human or otherwise. They do exist, though.

To be honest, meeting this "guide" (friend makes more sense now) while OOB is what is most responsible for my recent shift. I cannot forget the wonderful feeling of friendship and love between us. It is most remarkable and the feeling lingers. It was like our meeting blessed me somehow. Like he took away my feeling of loneliness by reminding me of what such connections feel like and should be. There was a recognition in me that this connection exists between all of us but our humanity has dulled it somehow, made it hard to feel/see and caused us to feel separated and alone. Though I still feel this separateness I am less focused on it now. This guide/friend is close, I feel him with me, and so the connection is also felt, even if at a lesser degree.

Part of what I realized from the experience is that I am playing a role, part of which is the role of "female". How I managed to ignore the female role amidst all the other roles is beyond me. One would think it would be my primary focus! The reason for this mistake is that to be female is one of the first roles I recall being assigned and accepting. Therefore, I identify myself primarily as female. It is so firmly rooted in this lifetime and role that I missed it when working on core beliefs and issues. If you consider all that goes along with gender identification you are likely just touching the surface of all the underlying beliefs that go with it. It is the basis for all life on Earth - procreation, the urge toward surviving and perpetuating the human species.

Yet with this friend in Spirit, this very obviously MALE friend, I felt nothing of the urges that tend to go with my gender. I just felt our connection and a friendship unlike anything experienced on Earth. I looked upon his male body with genuine affection and appreciation for the work of art that it is. There was not sexual urge or desire attached. And in speaking with him and helping him I saw myself in him and how similar we are in this human experience. I saw myself as separate from this human form, too. I knew I had chosen this form/gender and that it would be tossed when I was done here. In the end I would return to my family in Spirit and all such considerations stemming from this gender and body would dissipate and all that would be left would be an appreciation for what it had taught me.

In speaking with my guide this morning I saw just how minuscule this lifetime is in terms of infinity. I saw the progress I have made here in comparison to all the lifetimes I have lived and have yet to live. It looked like a infinite line and this lifetime was but a centimeter in terms of progress amidst millions upon trillions of centimeters of length. Seeing my progress like this was disappointing but then I understood it was an accomplishment and I recognized just how brief this lifetime is in the big scheme of things. My guide said, "It's all about perspective." And he is so right, it's just remembering to shift my perspective enough, to expand my viewpoint enough to not be overwhelmed by this life I am living. In no time at all (literally as Time is an illusion) I will be back amidst my family/friends in Spirit and this life will be an interesting tale to tell, a wild adventure to laugh about and learn from.