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Moon Water

I have been noticing something as the sale of our home draws closer. It is subtle but very obvious when I am alone with my thoughts. At first it seems like an unsettled feeling, like something just isn't right. That feeling stays with me throughout my day and has been growing more and more noticeable as the time of closing draws near. At first I ignored it, but lately I have found myself very irritable whenever my husband brings up the sale.

We met with the future owners on Saturday. I made lunch for them (they are vegetarian) and we talked about the future, making "what if" plans - what if the house doesn't close on time? what if our other house doesn't close in time? The woman buying our house is very much like me, so we think alike. I like her but then I don't. She and her husband don't ever want kids. That makes me sad. I wanted my house to have a family in it. Instead it will be occupied by a couple and their five dogs.

Then last night, after a day of packing up our clothes (we have way too many clothes!) and running around town from a birthday party to the grocery store, I had a moment to myself. The song, "The Dog Days are Over" kept popping into my head. Specifically the chorus, which is just the title of the song repeated. As I sat with the song in my head I remembered Trooper. After he died I made the decision not to get another dog because I knew we would be moving. He died in 2012. So, I knew we would be moving two summers ago.

Thinking back on the decision I began to wonder about our upcoming move. I recognized my hesitation about moving and thought, "There is nothing I can do now. It is going to happen". I also thought, "I should be upset", but the feeling of upset was not there. Instead I felt as if I were observing everything from outside of myself, similar to how I feel in a some dreams. I can see myself reacting to situations, becoming upset or feeling sad, but then I don't actually feel myself feeling this way. That is when I realized: that unsettled feeling I have been feeling is that there are feelings about the move that exist but are just under the surface.

Even recognizing this, I did not have time to think about it anymore. Too much to do. I had to get to sleep. I guess I found time to think more on things while sleeping because I had a very powerful dream.

Moon Water

In my dream I was at an apartment with my "family". My family was not my family in real life but instead a bunch of my friends. We were all young, probably college aged, living together in a small apartment.

We went out together into the city. As we were in the street we encountered some dogs. I don't remember them specifically, only that we talked about them. They were big, mean and scary. I do remember that we all decided to go back to the apartment and as we did I saw this short, fat pig-like dog that was rusty red in color. It was coming towards me. Seeing it made me anxious and I didn't want it following me. I ran towards the apartment yelling, "Don't let it in!" over and over. My friend held the door open and I squeezed in, slamming it behind me before the pig-dog could get in.

Inside it was quiet and I remember seeing a bag with a pistol inside. There was a lot of uncertainty and fear in me. Not long after I realized that most of my friends were gone, specifically my boyfriend and some others. It was then that I became overwhelmed with intense grief. Another friend, a dark haired man who was very plain looking with dumpy clothes, stayed with me to comfort me. I cried and cried as he hugged me and tried to comfort me. What is odd about this part of the dream is, although the feelings were there and intense, I did not react to them. The me in the dream was crying but the other "me" was not. I remember thinking about the man comforting me, thinking, "I would not normally be with someone like this", and knowing that he was a kind, loving and very patient man who could calm me down. The feeling that came from him was like cool water putting out a turbulent fire.

I remember looking around me as I cried. I noticed a window to my right and saw a woman approaching
from outside. There was light shining in through the windows and she came up to the open window with a cup filled to the brim with water. The cup was made of jade. She smiled when she saw me and said, "Thank you! Thank you so much for the water!" I was shocked and didn't know what she was talking to but she pointed to the corner and there was a bowl of water by the window. It was there for anyone to take. I realized that my friend, Angela, had this gift delivered to me. The gift was this water. The woman told me, "It's moon water!" and as she told me I saw how it was made. There was a plant in the corner, an ivy, and below it was the water. There was also what appeared to be a small stream that flowed below it - all in the corner of the apartment near the window. Somehow the plant would allow the water to drip off the ends of its leaves into a bowl underneath. Eventually the water would be pure and ready to drink. I remember feeling so much appreciation for my friend and wanting to thank her. The feeling filled me up and was like this huge bubble of love inside of me. I felt so blessed to have her as a friend.

A man then came by and took some water. He took more than he should have - a whole bucket full. I remember thinking how sad it was that he took more than he needed as this water was special and should be shared with many. He walked away with his bucket of water looking behind me like, "What are you going to do about it?"

The dark haired man was still with me. I now accepted him as my companion and was not concerned with how he looked. He made me feel so calm and centered. Why would I want anything more? I stood with him and watched as the ivy that made the moon water grew larger and its leaves spread across the room. I remarked to my companion at how fast it was growing and how big the leaves were. It was beautiful.

As I watched the water running into the roots of the ivy I noticed the floor shifting and wondered out loud if we were on a boat and not really in the apartment. I got concerned and then realized something. I said to my companion, "We're dead aren't we?" Knowing in my heart we were dead, I watched as the whole room moved.

Then my ex boyfriend, the one who had left me, returned. He marched in with his group of friends. They were sporting expensive, oversize suit jackets of various loud, vibrant colors - yellow, magenta, blue. They also wore long chains of gold and silver. They reminded me of gang members. I knew they were also dead. I was concerned for a moment but then watched as my ex, a tall blonde man, went up to one of the ivy leaves. He pushed a small silver button below it and water sprayed out of a small hole near it. There were more buttons and he pushed them all. I was concerned but let him do it. As more and more water sprayed down it became like a waterfall that poured over the top of his head. He closed his eyes and stood under the water, letting it pour over him. I looked at him and thought, "That is the man I loved. He is really beautiful" and I knew his lust for material things is what turned him toward a life of crime and extravagance. Then my alarm woke me up.

Interpretation

I knew when I awoke that this dream was special. I even stayed in bed an extra 10 minutes just to let it sink in. I remember thinking/knowing that the way the dream made me feel was more important than any symbolism contained within in. I still recognized the symbols - the pig-dog, the ivy, the water - but I kept being drawn to focus on how it made me feel.

I instantly was drawn to how I felt initially in the dream: afraid. But what did that tell me? It felt like fear but was it really fear? What was the source of it? Lack of control and the unknown. No one wants to feel out of control. Then I remembered thoughts I had briefly the night before. I wondered to myself, "When we are in Spirit do we keep everything the same? Do we not like change? Is that why this life seems so scary and hard?" I had thought about how people in life will cling to the familiar - like my Mom. She won't move even though it could mean a happier, easier life for her. She won't move because she is comfortable and her surroundings are familiar; safe. I knew she would stay at her home until she couldn't. Just like my grandmother did. Would I do that? I wanted to. I still want to, even though I know it will be the more difficult route. Change is scary and so is the unfamiliar. It is like the fear of the dark, completely illogical. It will trap even the sanest person. And as I thought of my dream, I thought of my fear and recognized that I was afraid of change and that fear was illogical.

Then there was the intense grief I felt after losing my boyfriend. At first I thought it was a premonition of what was to come - that my husband would leave me. But then I kept thinking I should look at the feeling. What was I grieving? And when I looked I saw that I was grieving over the loss of something familiar, not over the loss of a man or family. The heart wrenching feeling I felt was like a piece of me had been ripped out. I felt like that when Trooper died. The loss unbearable. Yet the loss was more of a loss because I was resistant to it. And so the feeling was a response to my resistance to change.

And then there was the good feelings - the feeling that stayed with me through the dream. The calm. The peace. I had a boyfriend who did that for me in this life. His arms wrapped around me and made me instantly relax. His energy soothed and calmed like the water sign that he was. And in the dream there was my guide, his arms open and I did not hesitate to fall into them. The message was so very strong - trust me, it will be okay. And when I allowed myself to trust, all the uncertainty and fear melted away and there was peace.

Finally, when my ex came back and I saw him let the water pour over his head, the feeling was similar to how one feels when they finally solve that math problem or figure out the answer to a nagging question. My ex was me! The me who fell victim to the false promise that money brings happiness. I saw him let the water pour over him and I knew that I loved him (me) still, even though he (I) made mistakes, he (I) was still the loved; still beautiful. I felt no hatred or resentment, just love.

I am not certain why I suddenly realized I was dead in the dream. It did not concern me that I was dead, either. I just accepted it. As I think about it now it felt as if there was a message with it that indicated that life in the physical is just an extension of the spiritual. I am still blown away by the whole dream/experience. It feels surreal and I feel very blessed to have gotten such a wonderful gift.




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