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Always Look on the Bright Side

I started back to work on Monday. I got a letter to only go back part-time for the first two weeks and then resume full-time. I am wishing now that I had asked my doctor to extend my leave for another four weeks.

Micro-manager

I got to meet my new boss on my first day back. She was a previous director who had retired. They called her back for the short-term until they hire someone else. My first impression of her came via the phone before my first day and I noted she was very distracted when I talked to her and was not overly friendly. When I met her she seemed the same but I could tell she was very tense and serious. She immediately told me to stay in my office and wait for her.

I should have listened to my initial feelings of her: she was someone who I would not work well with. First of all, she is a horrible micro-manager. I learned this very quickly. The way she hovers around me, asks to see my work when I finish, looks over my work and critiques it with irritation and wants me to give her my daily plan - all of it suggests someone who does not trust that anyone but themselves can do their job correctly. Second, she is very uptight and stressed out. I know my last boss was as well but she was very open and honest, sharing her frustrations and just allowing me to know her as a person. This woman is very closed off and does not share much of anything about herself. Everything in her demeanor says, "Don't get too close". Finally, when my new boss finally did sit down and talk to me and I told her about when I was hired and that I had been pregnant she told me flat out, "I would not have hired you". At the time it did not bother me because I know that me being hired was a stoke of good fortune, but when I began to think about it I realized that I was working with a woman who did not want me there but needs me there.

Can't Take Much More

With my return to work we got news that our offer on the house we want was accepted but the seller wants a quick closing in less than 30 days. This presents us with a myriad of new problems: 1. Can we get a loan when we have not already sold our current home? 2. How will we come up with the 10% down payment without the profit from the sale of our current home? 3. The home we are buying needs a lot of work before we can move in, how will we afford it now? 4. How will we handle living in a home that is pretty trashed out and how long will we have to live like that? 5. The mortgage amount will be at the high end of what we can afford so will I be able to stay at home or will I have to work?

With the sale of our current home we have run into some minor issues. First of all, the inspection says we have to service our a/c. I worry we will have major repair costs but for us the unit is functional and fine so hopefully it is just something minor. Second, the well agreement is not good enough and they want us to create a new one and file it. Not impossible but a pain since we are both so busy. Next, they came to take a water test without telling us. When I built the house the water kept failing the test and was a headache. I am hoping it won't happen this time around but it is likely. Finally, the appraisal has not been done yet. If the house doesn't appraise for the selling price I worry we will have to accept less for it since we are already buying a new house.

Add the stress of getting paperwork together for the new mortgage loan, my job and my regular responsibilities as mother and wife and you get a nasty mix of stress. I don't know how much more I can take. I can't seem to find enough time in the day to do everything I want and am not getting enough sleep even though I am sleeping 7-8 hours a night. I broke down in tears to my husband this morning when I told him about my new boss. I wanted to quit the first day but hesitated since we need my job and income to qualify for the mortgage and will need it even more now that we will have two mortgages for a short time. I hate feeling stuck in a bad situation. I just got free of one negative job only to find myself stuck in another one! I just want the next few weeks to be over.

Look at the Bright Side

Despite all the things that are going on in my life I keep feeling that there is light at the end of this long, dark tunnel. The feeling that we are doing the right thing has not changed or diminished.

As I was typing this post, a familiar song popped into my head, a song from long ago when I was a teenager. My best friend and I use to get a kick watching Monty Python movies and singing the hysterical songs or quoting certain scenes. The song that popped into my head was, "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life". If you are not familiar with the song, check it out on YouTube.

I watched the video and it gave me a little laugh, just what I needed to release some of the built up tension I was carrying from life. It also helped me realize that my thoughts and what my attention is on is what shapes my emotion and life outlook. I can focus on the negative and stress about things or I can focus on the positive. The positive here is that I still get time with my children to enjoy watching them grow and learn. Little Elek is now smiling at me when he sees me and my other son is getting some special time with his momma. And in the long-term I do believe I will get to spend more time with them than I am even now and there will be the adventure of creating in this new home one that is uniquely our own. I just need to get through this short period of time and I will have my reward and new challenges, ones that I look forward to. I need to keep my goals clear in my mind and focus on those and not on the minor inconveniences of the present.

"I mean, what have you got to lose?
you know, you come from nothing
you're going back to nothing
what have you lost? Nothing!"





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