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Recovery

It has been over a week since having my baby and I am finally beginning to feel like myself again. I have been getting tons of healing chills up and down my body but most of them focus on my stomach area and incision site. Yesterday I felt good enough to go for a walk and walked over 2 miles and today I do not feel any after-effects which is a good sign. I hope to be back into my normal routine next week, but considering the messages I have been getting it may not be a good idea to go back to work just yet.

C-Section Thoughts

I wanted to write down a few thoughts about my c-section experience mainly for myself but also for anyone who has questions about what to expect from a c-section. I had little time to prepare for mine but I was able to research enough about them to be semi-prepared.

The actual surgery itself is not one I want to experience again. The spinal they gave me is the main reason. Not only does it numb you from the waist down  (and when I say numb I mean you don't know you have a body) but the side effects and after-effects of it are the biggest hurdle one has to overcome in recovery. While in my surgery the spinal made me feel very relaxed and warm. It was a wonderful, floaty feeling that I really enjoyed but was scary in that I worried if I closed my eyes I would leave my body and miss my baby's birth. Some accounts I have read online say the opposite - that the spinal makes them cold. I can't imagine that to be true but perhaps that is how some experience it.

The after-effects of the spinal are long-lasting. At 9 days past my surgery I am still experiencing side effects! This is what I have experienced from the spinal:

  • Body shivers but without coldness (lasted 3 days on and off)
  • Sluggish digestive tract (still struggling with this!)
  • Inability to pass gas or have a bowel movement (lasted 4-5 days)
  • Intense tiredness (lasted 5 days) *this could be the combined result of blood loss, the spinal and the morphine drip they gave me
  • Dizziness (lasted 2 days on and off)
  • Itching (lasted 6 hours)
  • Shortness of breath/shallow breathing (6 hours and this was very scary for me)
The night of my surgery I was unable to sleep despite being extremely tired. I would begin to drift off, seeing dream images and participating in conversations with people, only to suddenly startle awake as I found that I was not breathing or breathing very shallow. This continued throughout the night with me being so tired I could not resist falling asleep and then waking up suddenly to find myself not breathing. It was very scary and I was worried I was losing my mind a bit because I would be in one place (likely OOB) only to suddenly find myself still in the hospital. When I told the nurses about it they were not concerned but it bothered me. Thankfully it only lasted as long as it took the spinal numbness to wear off.

The tiredness stayed with me until two days after I returned home from the hospital. It lessened in severity each day. While in the hospital it was so intense that I could not do anything that required focused attention without falling asleep on the spot. For example, I tried to read my book and got three sentences in and fell asleep. This is NOT like me at all. In fact, with my past issues of insomnia, it was almost welcomed. The nurses just said it was because my body had just suffered great trauma. Maybe so. They never told me I was anemic, they just sent me home with a prescription for iron. So I am unsure how much of the tiredness was from the spinal and how much was from blood loss (anemia).

Recovery

Now that I am over a week past my surgery and feeling much more like myself, I have more time to reflect on what I experienced. There has been quite a bit of Spirit involvement in my healing, which is not surprising. However, I never saw more than 4 Spirit helpers with me. Usually at a birth there are 12. I have yet to see that many.

"You are tired"

During the first week of my recovery I suffered from intense emotional downs. The amount of sorrow I suffered through was brought on my intense pain but later it just came for no reason when I would become overtired. The baby blues are common after giving birth but this was nothing like I have ever experienced before.

While in the midst of one early morning breakdown, I heard one of my guides say to me, "You are tired". When he did, I saw an image of myself laying unconscious on a beach in torn white clothing, beaten and bruised, amidst jagged rocks. When I saw this image I knew what he meant. What I had just put my body through was similar to the vision.With this vision I also felt that I needed to sleep when I was tired and listen to my body. I was also told that it would not last long and to hang in there. The hope I felt with these feelings/messages brought me to tears. It was not easy to believe them.

Odd Dreams

My sleep has been mostly dreamless, though I know I had dreams because I recall bits and pieces of them upon waking. One dream I recall vividly was of me leaving my two older children behind me in a car while I got into another car by myself and drove away. The impression with this dream was that I was considering leaving them behind and I felt it was very much connected to my feelings at the time. I was very depressed and could not see a future for myself. In this down state I longed to be returned Home. I feel this dream was a representation of this state of mind.

In another dream I was sleeping in a dormitory along with children of various ages. I was struggling in the dream to become lucid and kept confusing myself because I would not know what was dream and what was not.  I would struggle to open my eyes and when I would it would be the dream still when I had intended to wake up. One time, after struggling to "wake up" I found myself standing in the doorway of the dormitory. A young girl with blonde hair about the age of 9 or 10 was standing in front of me. I asked her, "How old are you?" and she said, "5". I laughed and said, "You sure are big for 5 years old!" and she looked at me strangely and said, "I'm not 5, I'm 15!" Then I said, "Well then you sure are small for 15". The girl's mother came up behind me and I told her what her daughter said to me and laughed saying she was "joking around with me". At that point I woke up, the vision of the young girl fresh in my mind and the numbers echoing in my ears - 5, 15. This is what the angel number 15 means:Angel Number 15. 
It seems very fitting considering what I have been thinking about this last week or so. 

Finally, just this morning, I was awakened to a very strange site. I know it was one of my guides trying to wake me up, but what I saw was perplexing. I saw a man wearing a gorilla costume standing in front of me waving his arms. It immediately woke me up and I turned and saw it was 6am and time to wake up my daughter for school. I did not go down, though, because I heard someone talking and assumed my husband had woken her up and was getting her ready. I dozed a while and then woke up 24 minutes later to a quiet house. I went downstairs and had to wake my daughter and get her ready myself as my husband was fast asleep. Yet the vision of the man in the gorilla suit was still on my mind. What was my guide thinking? Maybe he was trying to get me to laugh? I wish it had worked but I am not quiet there yet.




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