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Botswana 5:30

Detox Day 5

My detox has been going well. I have not been following my diet as well as I would have liked (Easter interrupted) but all in all it has been going well. I lost 3lbs in four days and am sure I will be losing more. But losing weight was not my intention, it was flushing my system of toxins left over from my surgery and the medications they gave me.

So far the only side effects of the detox have been that I wake up aching or with a headache or both. I lowered the night dosage to see if that would help and it did, though I was sore and stiff this morning from my previous day's workout. The cabbage soup has been working wonders on my entire family. My whole family likes it and with all the extra veggies it provides, they have been getting their servings of veggies, which I must admit they were not getting enough of.

Unfortunately there has not been any change in my dreams since I started the detox. I am sleeping good, though, and I can't complain about that. I have been asking to astral every night and even doing some light meditation but find that I cannot clear my head well enough to get any benefit from meditation. One would think I would find time during the day to meditate but with a newborn and a 3 year old, that is practically impossible.

Botswana 5:30

Speaking of dreams, I had some very intense ones last night. They were so intense that when I awoke from the most significant dream I kept repeating a phrase over and over in my head: Botswana 5:30. I kept falling back to sleep, and though I remembered the entire dream sequence when I first awoke, by the time I woke up to get ready for the day the dreams were completely lost to me and the phrase I was repeating had turned to Bosnia 5:30. I knew that the country was not Bosnia and it bothered me that I had lost so much information, information that I knew was important.

Though I do not remember the dream now, I do remember that it consisted of me having an in-depth conversation with one of my guides and I remember that others were with us. I did ask to remember the dream but the request was not granted. Perhaps I am not meant to remember it?

As for the meaning of what I did remember, all I can say is that something is likely to occur in Botswana, either at 5:30 (time) or on 5/30 (date). I feel that one of the reasons I confused Bosnia with Botswana is that the event is similar. If I remember correctly, the war in Bosnia involved ethnic cleansing and religious persecution. Hopefully there will not be more of that in this world, but I cannot ignore what I heard in my dream. There is a reason I kept repeating it to myself once I awoke, and why I do not remember any other information.

I could not find much information on Botswana this morning in my brief internet search. The main issues the country faces are the mistreatment of ethnic groups because of the diamond market and a high number of HIV infected individuals (1 in 3 infected!). The most potential for conflict seems to be in the case of diamond mining. The diamond mining companies are pushing groups off their ancestral land in order to mine diamonds. Otherwise, the information I found says Botswana is one of the most stable countries in Africa. Hopefully, it remains that way and my information is faulty.

Fear

Although yesterday brought with it some great breakthroughs for me, fear about what is to come hit me hard this morning. Perhaps the dream about Botswana led to that? It's hard to tell being I cannot remember the dream! Anyway, I awoke feeling very unsettled about my decision to go with what my heart is telling me and trust that the universe will provide.

Yesterday I told my husband that I felt we should go ahead and put our home on the market. He agreed. This morning, despite my fearful thoughts, I went ahead and reminded him to contact our realtor to get the ball rolling. I had spoken to our realtor on Easter at our church get together and he had said he felt we would have no issue selling our house but mentioned we might have an issue buying a house since the market was really "taking off". I guess interest rates are at all all-time low again and home prices are going up. We will see what happens, I guess. Last time my husband was suppose to get our home listed it didn't materialize. Things just didn't flow right or the timing was off, I guess.

Some of my concerns about selling my house are a result of me not wanting to "let go" of my family land. It is hard to let go of something you have put so much effort into creating. Yet, at the same time I am confident that I can create something better for myself once I do let go. Here are my main concerns:
  • Once the house sells, it is gone. I have no control over what the new owner's do to the home.
  • The land would be out of family hands. We (my family) have long wanted to keep the land in the family. 
  • The house/land was mine prior to meeting my husband. If we were ever to separate it was my security ticket. Without it, I have nothing of my own. Note: This is an unfounded fear I know but since I have been divorced before and have watched my mom be devastated financially by two divorces, I worry.
  • My kids would not be going to a small town school. I would either have to home school, pay for private school or put them in a larger school system.
  • Our house may not pass inspection (top floor) and would likely require my husband do some repairs.
The list of pros is, however, compelling and helps dispel my fears.
  • I don't do anything with the land I own. I don't need it, I just like the space it provides.
  • The money from the sale of the house/land would pay off debts and helps us with our new start.
  • Moving away from family would be freeing.
  • Living in or closer to town would free up time. We spend quite a bit of time commuting.
  • Living in or closer to town gives me more career options.
  • Relocating would improve my marriage and help my family in so many ways.
Trust

All of the messages I have been getting keep pointing in the direction that it is time for me to let go and move on. I can't push the decision away any longer. And I was was typing up this blog post I kept feeling and hearing that I need to "trust" that this is the right decision; that things will work out and line up in a way that they have in the past once this decision is made. Perhaps the buyer of our house will be someone who lives in it for many, many years and will take care of it and love it like we do? Perhaps something will happen that I cannot even imagine?



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