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It's Scheduled

The date has been set. My c-section is scheduled for April 4th.  My doctor informed me at my last appointment that a manual turning of my baby is looking unlikely. My blood pressure was up significantly from its normal low level and the doctor took this as a sign that my previous bouts with pre-eclampsia were likely to return. A manual turning of a baby cannot be performed with high blood pressure. My blood pressure is only borderline hypertensive right now, but in my past two pregnancies once my blood pressure started to go up, it kept going up. With my son it was 165/109 when I went to the hospital. These numbers put me at risk for stroke. Thankfully, I have never had one. I just think high blood pressure is my body's way of coping with pregnancy in the end. Having another being living and growing inside you is a lot of work!

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I felt very "off" physically while waiting to go into the doctor's office. I had had a very busy, stressful day at work and then sat next to a family of not so good caliber in the waiting room. The family consisted of two young girls, likely still in high school, a very obese mother who was rolling around in an electric chair, an older man, and a young man who looked like he was high on drugs. The older sister had an infant of maybe seven months with her who kept cooing and yelling happy noises. She kept threatening to spank him and this really bothered me. Who spanks a baby? Then the other sister got news of her due date, November, and the mother proceeded to tell the young man who was the father that no matter what he did his name was going on the birth certificate and she was going to get child support from him no matter what. The tension in the family was palpable and I was ready to scream by the time I went in to see my doctor. I kept thinking to myself, "This is what my tax dollars are paying for".

When I got into the appointment and saw my blood pressure was high - 132/82 and then 122/87. I knew why I had the premonition about the 26th of March: I was about to be told I would have to get a c-section. I had also lost weight rather than gained it. At 38 weeks pregnant this is not usual. My doctor, upon seeing my blood pressure, advised me to reconsidered the manual turning. I was kind of numb hearing this. I blame my reaction on my higher blood pressure. When I get high blood pressure I don't get a headache but I feel "out of it" and kind of in a daze. So the news just went in one ear and out the other.

My doctor told me that she believed my baby and my body was telling me something. She gave me examples of how in her past experience a woman who was adamantly against a c-section and pushed to avoid one, ended up having one anyway. Usually the baby is breech for a reason - cord issues or some other complication of the mother's body. She did an ultrasound and confirmed baby was breech. Then I could tell she was trying to follow the route of the cord, which is hard. All we succeeded in seeing was his chubby hand clutching it.

Overall I am not panicking over my up and coming c-section. I am a bit nervous about being awake as they cut into me and do not look forward to having pain afterward, but I do not feel fear - yet. I have never had surgery of any kind so that scares me some, but only because of the possible complications of it.

One thing that bothers me is that for many weeks now a song has been in my mind. I often wake singing it to myself, especially specific phrases. The song is by Andrew Belle - In My Veins - and its the first chorus that always seems to pop into my mind: "Nothing goes as planned." I am hoping that the song is only meant to help me recognize that I cannot control everything in life. Sometimes things don't go as planned. A c-section, though not my ideal plan, is not the end of the world.



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