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Teeth and Chains

It's been a stressful and enlightening last few days. The last time I wrote I presented my idea about selling my house and moving on with things so that I did not feel "stuck". The idea was embraced by my husband and he has set the ball rolling on it. However, our realtor recommended that we delay looking for a house until after the sale of our house. This bothered me in that I worry we will not have a place to live in between selling and buying. He also was concerned that we wanted too much for our house. To the idea of renting our house, he suggested we not rent it because it rental income would still show as us owning a home and so we would be getting a second mortgage which means higher interest and other backaches.

Despite this discouraging information, my husband and I are still set on putting our house on the market. We may not get it on the market this year, though, which is fine with me.

More Discouraging News

The day after deciding to sell the house early I had trouble sleeping. When I awoke I knew something was not quite right but was too busy to think about it. The next night I also had trouble sleeping and had dreams that suggested that I needed to work on my relationship with my husband among other things. When I woke up I sensed my guide there (John) and knew immediately why he was there. He was asking me to reconsider my idea about selling the house and moving early. I knew why, too. It was as if we had just had an in-depth conversation but my dreams did not fit this at all. I knew that getting a new house and job, moving and all that was involved with it was not a good idea and that, as a result, it would not happen since it was not the best plan (and apparently not "the" plan). The reasons my plan is flawed are various. Mostly the stress involved would be the main deterrent. I am pregnant, more than halfway to the end of my pregnancy and have a history of high blood pressure and complications. To sell my house and buy a new one is a stressful endeavor in itself. I know, I have done it before. Closing on both the sold house and the bought house, moving our things, changing our postal address, dealing with a long commute if I do not find an new job and enrolling my daughter at a new school when she is just feeling comfy at her present school - these are just some of the issues that will present. Even under normal conditions I would stress out. But when pregnant? Is it a good idea? My feeling and the feeling from John is "No". I am not told the rest of the reason, but I can guess. Pregnancy complications are likely anyway. I don't want to add to that. I was able to perceive that the job I so badly desire will come, just months after the pregnancy is over. Not what I wanted to hear.

The disappointment of knowing why things were happening the way they were made me that much more resentful of my situation. So I had a grumpy morning the next morning. I somehow made it through the weekend without much incident, though. I focused upon what I had and the things I could do about my situation and got into the Christmas spirit. Even when the freeze froze our water pump and we had to buy a new one ($700) I found a way to enjoy the trip into town alone with my husband. We had lunch together and bought our kids a trampoline for Christmas. :)

Dreams

Another underlying theme that seems to be coming up in my dreams is my marriage. John, the guide who has been ever-present for a couple of months now, has confronted me about it. He even made a suggestion that made sense. I am so angry still about life and the circumstances of it now that I continue to withdraw from my husband. John suggested that I just try to be closer to him - a hug, a touch, a sympathetic look - simple things. I know he is right but I am so angry still. Yet the more I push him away, the more upset my husband gets (I am blessed that he is as patient and understanding as he is). So I try and so far it is working. I have to tune into that part of me that fell in love with him. I have to remember he is human; not a robot or some secret agent sent to torture me (which sometimes it does seem his agenda is to drive me nuts).

The marriage issues are coming up in my dreams in a strange way. Rather than dream of my current husband, I keep dreaming of my ex. It is like I am making a connection between what was and what is.

Speaking of dreams, I had some odd dreams last night. In one I was trying to go to sleep but kept changing retainers. I don't wear a retainer in real life, yet in the dream I was trying to wear a retainer that belonged to first my mother-in-law and then my husband. I remember putting my husband's retainer in and not liking it. When looking up retainer on dreammoods it says that wearing a retainer suggests that you are withholding emotion and as a result are feeling stifled. Ha! So true!

Another odd dream I had was of me in a large meeting place, like a warehouse or community hall. I was trying to pull my hair up. When I did I noticed it was really long. I kept pulling it up higher and higher and finally noticed that my hair was not hair at all but a bunch of tiny, silver chains. Chains mean there is a need to break free from a routine, an old idea or relationship. Again, perfect fit.

Interpretation

So overall it seems that I am being stubborn. Teeth and chains - the perfect symbols of the type of situation I am putting myself in with my stubborn tendencies. Anger and resistance will not improve the situation, only make it that much more unbearable. I know I have been discussing this with my guides and this morning, upon waking, I knew I was close to finally getting the message through my thick head. I honestly felt there was a breakthrough coming. I felt the difference, though it was subtle. I also heard John's name very clearly and remember saying to him, "I need to catch bus 224". lol

The angel number 224 reminds me to remember that I am creating solid foundations for the path ahead, to trust in that path and continue to build relationships and move toward that path with faith and determination. Apparently I have to wait on my plans because some part of the foundation has yet to be laid. Part of it has to do with this baby, another has to do with my and my emotional and spiritual readiness. To try and force something to occur for which I am not ready is not a good idea and will only result in negative consequences.

I have to hand tight and try to focus on healing. There is a lot of work coming, I fear.


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