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I awoke this morning from yet another dream about my deceased pet, Trooper.

I was in a big white truck with a white trailer. My husband was driving and we were carrying a load of things - food, furniture, etc. At some point my husband needed to crawl to the back and get something. I had to quickly take over the wheel and control of the truck. My daughter was next to me. As I drove I had to slow down because the road was littered with tiny, miniature houses. Houses like dollhouses. Tiny and perfect in every way.  They were white with Terracotta roofs. I slowed down and drove over them, careful not to crush them. I miscalculated, though, and swerved at the last minute knocking the truck and trailer on its side. I crawled out. The trailer bed was bare. There was a woman, a mother, and I scolded her about letting her son play in the road. I told her how dangerous it was and urged her to stop letting him play there. At this time there were two dogs. One was my mom's dog and the other was my deceased Trooper. She asked me about the dogs and I explained how I kept them safe and wouldn't let even them run in the road for fear they would be hit. I remember grabbing Trooper and carrying him in my arms and telling her how he use to look like the other dog when he was young. As I held him I recognized I was dreaming. Sadness overwhelmed me for I recalled that he was dead. And it was my fault.

That is when I woke up. I cried a little. Just a couple of tears.

My guide was right there, ready to help me as I awakened. I could feel his sympathy, his love and compassion. I said to him, "I miss him". My guide said, "I know". I said, "I know you think he's just a stupid dog" (Steven use to laugh about how much I loved my Tropper and all my pets). He said, "No". Then I said, "It's my fault". He reached out his hand and, though I couldn't feel it physically, I mentally saw it and felt the love that emanated from it.

He is so close. I mean, it is like he is with me, inside me, hovering and ever-present. Of course, he is all these things. He's my guide! But I guess right now he is closer to me in all those ways. I must need it. Am I that bad off?

I can't help but think about how everything after Trooper died seems to have gone downhill. My job got horribly bad. I mean near mental breakdown bad. My marriage became rocky. I began to withdraw within myself. I couldn't and still can't find a job. I got pregnant unexpectedly and had to return to my hell job. Everything seems to have a dark cloud around it since Trooper died. And the grief and guilt I felt after he died! I grieved as much over him as my own father! A dog!! I feel ashamed but at the same time I feel justified. He was my "baby" for 12 years. Like my child and there when no one else was.

I thought of all this as my guide comforted me, hovering ever-close. Something about knowing/feeling him that close pulls emotion out of me. It is like he triggers its release somehow. I remained calm, though, listening to his unspoken words, calming me down, reassuring me that things would be okay. That Trooper's death was not my fault. That I need to release so much from my heart. In my mind I could see and hear his message. I could see him motioning at my heart. The message is that I am healing, albeit slowly. To be kind to myself.

Out of the blue I heard a date. December 18th. But the "18" was the strongest part of the message. I do not know what it means but I took it nonetheless. It was given for a purpose.

As an angel number, 18 is a good sign and holds a message of hope. The message is that a cycle is coming to an end; that good things are coming and manifesting at a rapid rate. The number 1 signified the new beginnings and the 8 signifies abundance and wealth. I can only hope this is true and coming soon.

Blessed

I feel very blessed right now to have such a strong and compassionate guide who is right there when I need him, ever-close and comforting. I need to not feel alone in this, whatever it is. I wonder how people suffer through difficult times in their lives not feeling this closeness to their guide like I do? I remember how I felt before I knew of my guides. Alone. Ever alone and adrift on a sea of blackness, forgotten and ignored and alone in my pain. I can never feel alone like I use to. It is so real to me how very not alone we are now. If I ever have the thought that I feel alone I almost instantly hear the strong message of, "You are not alone". In fact, it was one of the first messages I heard when I found my guides and oh the tears it brought forth from me!!

If there is any message that a person in life needs to hear it is that they are not alone. To each of you reading this - You are NOT alone. You are NEVER alone. When you are in your darkest hour, calling out to God and asking "Why?", let that tiny voice through that says to you, "It is Okay. You are not alone. I/We are here". Because you have so many around you who love you - all.the.time. They are never far away and will be there for you at any time surrounding you with love. Trust me. What I say is true.

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